So close. Almost my turn thought Thurman as the bedroom door closed.

Yeah well not yet it’s not said Phyllis. You’ll just have to be patient.

“Is Mommy almost done?” said Kate.

“Yes, she’ll be down in a minute.”

“That’s what you said last time and it’s been fourteen.”

Has it? Thurman flicked his eyes to the clock and back. No it’s been ten, he thought, disappointed and relieved that Kate couldn’t subtract.

“No, it hasn’t been that long Sweetie. Just be patient.”

Phyllis laughed.

Leaves from the branches scraped against the window as the wind picked up.

“How about you go play in the living room?”

“But I want to be here when Mommy comes down so I can know when we’re going to get ice cream.”

“You’ll know when she gets here.”

“How?”

“You’ll hear her. You know where she is right now and you’re not even in the same room, right?”

“No. Where’s Mommy?”

Yeah Thurman, where’s Mommy said Phyllis.

“You just heard her. She’s upstairs in our bedroom. She’ll be down in a minute.”

“But you said that 22 minutes ago!”

“No, I said that fifteen minutes ago.”

“How do you know?”

Yeah Thurman, how do you know said Phyllis.

“Go play in the living room.” said Thurman.

“But”

“No. Go play in the living room, please.”

Thurman knew immediately.

And you lose said Phyllis.

“Mommy Mommy where are you!” screamed Kate, her voice a high speed train coming to a sudden panicked halt.

Thurman tried to be calm. “She’s upstairs Sweetie, she’ll be down soon.”

“No she won’t no she won’t I don’t know where Mommy is and I want her right now!” Kate collapsed onto the floor, kicking and screaming and clawing and scratching the hardwood floor.

Thurman scooped her up off the floor and took the hits and hair pulls. When she was this worked up there was no point to anything else. He carried Kate into the living room and set her on the floor, then closed the door to the kitchen while she continued to thrash and scream and cry.

He sat at the table, head in his hands, stared into his coffee cup.

“Everything okay down there?”

“Yeah,” said Thurman. “Everything’s fine.”

“Okay, I’ll be down in a second.”

Kate ate her cereal and Thurman drank his coffee. Neither spoke for awhile.

Make conversation said Phyllis.

“What’s your favorite ice cream, Sweetie?” asked Thurman.

Ice cream. You went with ice cream said Phyllis.

“Mmm ice cream.”

“Yes, you like ice cream. But which one’s your favorite?”

“Ice cream.”

Careful said Phyllis

Thurman laughed. “Okay, well maybe Mommy will take you to get ice cream today.”

Kate dropped her spoon to the floor and shook with joy.

“But you have to finish your cereal first.”

Kate picked up her spoon and shoveled Cheerios into her mouth as fast as she could until they were gone, then plunked her spoon into the bowl and grabbed her chair and kicked her legs with excitement.

“Now drink your orange juice.”

Phyllis sighed. She doesn’t have any orange juice.

“Which orange juice” said Kate.

Thurman pulled a glass from the cupboard and walked to the refrigerator. He filled the glass and heard the shower still running.

Soon, he thought. My turn soon.

It’ll be your turn next said Phyllis.

He set the orange juice on the table and Kate downed it in seconds.

“Ice cream?” she said.

“Maybe. We’ll see what Mommy says” Thurman replied.

Look what you did said Phyllis. Now Charity looks like a horrible mother if she says no.

“But what if she says no?” asked Kate.

“Then she has a good reason. I’m not sure what your plans are today.”

Well now they are get ice cream.

“Get ice cream!” said Kate.

Thurman heard the shower turn off.

Kate looked up from her cereal and grinned.

“Mommy!” she said.

“Yes, that’s Mommy!” said Thurman. “Are you excited to see her?”

“Yeah” said Kate. She had dropped her spoon and grabbed the seat of her chair with both hands, bouncing and barely able to contain her excitement.

“Yesterday, we played PlayDoh and blew bubbles and made cupcakes!”

“Did you? What are you going to do today?”

“Well maybe we’ll play outside and make sand castles and maybe we’ll blow bubbles again and chase them around the lawn and see a dog or go to the zoo.”

Is there a zoo here? Thurman couldn’t remember. He tried to spark his memory with another sip of coffee. He didn’t think so, but maybe there was. Maybe it was new.

“What kind of animals are at the zoo, Sweetie?”

“Well there’s a lion, and a monkey, and sometimes a big snake.”

It’s a game said Phyllis. It’s her imagination.

“Is it a long way to the zoo?” Thurman was thoroughly confused.

“Yeah. It’s three TV shows.”

It’s not real said Phyllis.

The bathroom door shut, the shower turned on. 

“But, but Mommy!” said Kate.

“She’ll be down soon. Just a few more minutes.”

Kate sank back into her chair, picked up her spoon, and continued eating her cereal.

“I hope you get to the zoo today, Sweetie”.

Kate took another bite.

The coffee brewed while Kate ate her cereal. Thurman noticed a glimmer of light behind the blinds.

It’s morning, he thought. Finally it’s morning.

It was morning when you woke up said Phyllis. A ball of burning gases millions of miles away doesn’t start your morning. You do.

Thurman opened the blinds and Kate looked up, then back down at her cereal.

Thurman sighed and gazed out the window. There was mist in the air and dew on the ground. The birds flicked back and forth, playing or fighting over God knows what. Clouds glared through the glass.

“Another beautiful day! Look at the birdies, sweetie! Do you know what kind of birds those are?”

Kate shoved another spoonful of cereal in her mouth.

“Are you going to play outside today, Sweetie?”

No said Phyllis. Also she’s still waking up.

The coffee timer sounded. Thurman pressed down the plunger and filled his mug as the first drops of rain slapped against the window.

He took his first sip. He tasted cocoa and caramel and clean water. He smiled, then heard the clack of a bedroom door.

While Kate got started on her cereal, Thurman set some water to boil and ground more coffee.

Make conversation said Phyllis.

“Did you sleep so good, Sweetie?” Thurman asked.

Kate looked up at him as she forced a mouthful of Cheerios into her mouth, then looked down and continued eating.

She was about halfway through the bowl, milk dripping down her chin and onto her brand new yellow princess pajamas. She had begged for them the day before. She actually needed them so they didn’t feel guilty giving in.

“Did you have sweet dreams in your new jammies?”

“Yeah.”

“What did you dream about?”

Do you remember what you dreamed about last night? asked Phyllis. That’s a stupid question. Try something else.

“Well, there was a pony, dancing on ice cream on the top of a mountain. And she invited to me to dance with her and I did.”

“Wow, sweetie, that sounds like a great dream! Can you show me the dance you did?”

“No.”

“Aw, why not?”

“I don’t remember and I’m eating my Cheerios.”

The kettle whistled. Thurman pulled the water off the stove, paused for a few seconds to let the water cool, then emptied the kettle into a waiting french press.

He capped the coffee and set a timer, then turned back to watching his daughter eat.

Kate rubbed her eyes, then shuffled over to Thurman and wrapped her arms around his knees.

“Aw, I love you too Sweetie, and I’m so happy to see you” he said.

She’s hungry said Phyllis.

Thurman hoisted Kate onto the counter and pulled cereal from the pantry. He poured it into a bowl with some milk, set it in front of a chair at the table, then gingerly lifted Kate down. She walked to the table, climbed into the chair, stared at her breakfast.

Spoon said Phyllis.

Thurman retrieved Kate’s favorite from the drawer and put it in the cereal. It had a face, and he turned it to smile at her and grinned.

Kate picked up the spoon, rubbed her eyes, and began to eat.

Kate was a mountain stream in early summer. She made her own way always. Usually it was refreshing.

Her temper was the stuff of myth, her tenderness of legend. She’d throw her dolls across the room with a horrifying shriek then beg for every BandAid in the house to mend their imagined wounds.

Thurman loved Kate with all that he had. He knew he was being played.

He also didn’t care.

thump. thump. Thump. Kate stomped down the stairs.

Thurman took a deep breath and closed his eyes, summoned resignation to the day:

 

This moment, this body, this home.

They are not mine.

They belong to all but me.

 

That really helps, doesn’t it. I’m so helpful said Phyllis.

Thurman felt a whimper of protest, but armor closed around it.

His coffee a puddle of lukewarm grounds. He poured it down his throat and set the mug on the counter with a hard clink as his daughter rounded the corner.

“Well, g’mornin’ Sweetie! And how are you today!?” Thurman beamed.

Thurman felt a bang in the floor above him.

So goes the silence he thought. That’s odd, she’s up early, and poured himself the last half-cup of coffee. He took a last look around like the chaos had already begun, then heard her fumble with the doorknob.

What if the velociraptors in Jurassic Park were half as frightening as his daughter?

He shuddered and smiled to think of Kate at the kitchen door, trying desperately to get at all that ice cream.

The movie wouldn’t be as good said Phyllis.

Thurman took another sip as he listened to his daughter rattle her doorknob, thought I didn’t think it was that great to begin with.

Me neither said Phyllis.

Thurman blinked and gave up. This late in the day, there was no point.

He heard Kate’s door creak open.

Phyllis was a Monday morning text from a colleague at your curb.

Smoke from the stovetop during a good conversation.

The cry of a newborn at 3 AM.

She was

    We appreciate your cooperation

and

    Thank you for understanding

on theme park gates.

She was the older sister you never had and also never wanted.

Phyllis was truth, wisdom, courage, diligence, humor, harmony.

Thurman liked those things. That made Phyllis very, very annoying.